If you were to ask who I am, I would have two answers. I am Nori Miyamoto and I am deaf. My body was broken from birth; my ears will be forever useless. I’m sure that within this broken body of mine I have a voice… Somewhere in the throat maybe. I wouldn’t know, because I can’t hear it.
To me, this text I write is the only voice I have. The power of written word. Inside a diary there is no need for sound, and that fact inspired me to write daily. Today however I have decided to step forward from my everyday diary scribblings. Today—though it may come across no different from any ol’ diary entry—I begin my first story. A very personal story.
I suppose you would call this kind of story autobiographical. It may not be the size or scope you’d traditionally associate with the term, but regardless of expectations, this is my story.
Today I, a deaf person, fell in love with an idol.
Idols aren’t a rare sight where I live. The school I go to, a place called Mizoroge, is famous for its high output of celebrities talented in the arts. There are many students who dream of becoming idols. From what I’ve heard, some of them have already signed deals with big-name companies. However, I am not one of those students. It’s not often I get to say this, but compared to those celebrities I am just a normal person. Even if I had the ability to speak with such talented people, the school’s strict rulings prevent us normal students from interacting with the to-be celebrities. Eventually, every normal student here finds themselves picking between two options: getting jealous or pretending that idols don’t exist. There may be more options, but I haven’t heard of any others. All I hear is what I tell myself mentally. Technically I don’t even hear that; I think it. Self-deprecation aside, idols are something I’ve tried to ignore. At times I’ve wondered why I was ever sent to this school…
With that setting in mind, here’s where this story of mine began. I was waiting in the school’s main lobby for my tutor to arrive. I’ve waited in that location many times before, and generally, the environment stays the same every day. The other students are all in class so the hallways are silent. Sometimes a staff member or a visitor passes by. Sometimes a new student takes a tour around the building. Sometimes a misbehaving student is taken away by a teacher. The same sights, every day, every week, every month. On this day, however, I found a new sight.
It was a misbehaving student. I had seen her before being dragged away by various teachers for being a disruptive class clown. If not for the long strand extending from the left side of her shoulder-length brown hair she’d look like any normal girl, but her style was certainly unique, as if her organized idol appearance was conflicting with a rebellious desire to go against the grain. Today, unlike usual, she was not being dragged away by a teacher. Today she was alone.
She leisurely skipped through the hallway, following the typical path of a student in trouble. As she passed through the lobby area her face turned towards me. She smiled goofily, and then, for some reason, she approached me.
Idols and normal students cannot communicate, that was a rule I had heard many times… But already this girl had broken so many rules that she was no longer welcome in a classroom. This clowny idol wouldn’t care about those restrictions. Her oblivious grin told me that she wasn’t aware such rules existed.
The girl reached my location and her lips began to move. She was a very animated person. Every action she took and every word she spoke seemed like part of a performance. Of course… She’s an idol after all.
“Yo” her lips stretched upwards. Her mouth continued to move, but she spoke so fast I couldn’t keep up.
In response to whatever she said, I motioned to my right ear. I gave a single tap from my finger to indicate the point of attention and then brought my hands around to form an X shape. The girl tilted her head. Did she understand what I had attempted to communicate?
She nodded and then beckoned me with one hand. With her other, she held up two fingers. Then she tilted her hand downwards and motioned the two fingers as if they were a walking pair of legs. Her lips moved, but I already understood what she was trying to say.
“Come walk with me.”
Her extended hand was my invitation. An invitation to something unknown, something beyond the walls of my current existence. I threw caution to the wind and grabbed her hand. Together we left the building.
Step by step we wandered through the streets. I had no idea where we were headed. The streets got thinner and darker until we were lost in a maze of alleyways. This scenario was unfamiliar to me, but the leading figure before me continued with confidence. She knew this area like the back of her hand.
Further and further we walked until my feet began to ache. At times it felt like the floor was rumbling. I don’t compare well to an idol when it comes to stamina, but nevertheless, I continued to follow. The ache in my feet began to numb, yet the rumble of the earth only got stronger. The world around me was shaking. The alleyways we walked through became busier and busier. The walls of the buildings filled up with advertisements and posters. Smoke filled the air and anxiety filled my heart. Where was I?
Together we reached the end of the journey. The small confines we travelled through began to open up until eventually we were met by a grandiose sight. Out here in the middle of nowhere, far from where society felt safe, I came face to face with a large stage. Giant speakers filled the back, bands and singers filled the front. A banner adorned the very top. “Underground Rock!” was written in bold.
Without much time to take it all in, my guiding partner took me over to a small stand full of various kinds of merchandise. The shirts looked cheap and were priced expensively. Several different charms, wristbands, and bracelets were scattered through the display. Beneath them were posters and prints of all kinds, full of names and faces I had never seen before… Except for one. A small A4 print with the face of the girl who brought me here. She was standing on a stage, singing into a microphone. On the left side, written in the messy handwriting of a teenager, was a name: Aoi Yoshioka.
I looked over at her. The girl who brought me here… Aoi. She laughed and spoke with the person behind the stand. I wished that I could hear what she was saying. As she spoke, she scribbled upon a piece of paper resting atop the display. After a bit of writing, she turned to me and placed the paper into my hand. With a smile, she ruffled my hair, then slapped my back and pointed towards the stage. Her mouth stretched loud and proud.
“Let’s go!” she said.
Aoi brought me to one of the speakers at the side of the stage and pointed to it. Then she pointed to me. She wanted me to stay in this position. I nodded. The idol turned around and took to the place all idols take to. She reached out for the microphone.
Behind me, the speaker rumbled. The vibrations overcame my body. In my stomach, I could feel it… Music. First, the vibrations rumbled smoothly, then all of a sudden they increased harshly. A second passed and the vibrations returned to a gentler rumble.
In my hand, I held the paper Aoi had given me. I looked down at it and read the messily written words. At the very top, it said “these are the lyrics!”
In smaller text it continued… “Maybe we can talk this way?”
I looked down at the poem-like presentation, and as the vibrations filled my stomach, I began to read.
“Speak to me
And scream
Let me know
You won’t back down to fate.”
Somehow the words I read began to follow the rumbling of the speaker. Without intent, and without conscious effort, the piece of music was coming to me.
My ears may be useless, but if it’s like this…
Like this, I’d be able to hear her.
“Hold your ground
Feel it shake
Feel your heart
cold and dark
start to break.”
A tingle ran up my spine. My body filled with an indescribable energy.
Then and there, I thought to myself…
“Maybe music is an amazing thing.”
Yes, walking out of school was scary. Pathing through strange streets was scary. Feeling the earth rumble below me was scary. But at that moment I thought to myself…
“Maybe it was worth it.”
“Then let it open
Accept the music
Indulge in this
Empathic
Human choir.”
I didn’t know what would happen afterwards. Would I be able to find my way home? Would I get in trouble with the school staff? Would I be able to spend time with Aoi after this?
Many questions came to mind, but they didn’t matter on that day; a much older question had been answered.
Would I be able to enjoy music?
“I can scream too
Be a person too
We’re all people together.
Let’s be one.”
Maybe I’ll never understand music the way most people do.
Maybe I’ll never hear it for what it truly is.
But today I learned that regardless of my hearing I can still enjoy music. The power of a speaker and the atmosphere of a stage… I can feel it all.
“We can scream like this.
Drown out our senses.
We’re all people together.
Let’s be one.”
The words on the paper came to an end with the same line they began with. “Speak to me.”
That girl, Aoi Yoshioka… Despite not knowing who I was she approached me. She wanted to speak with me. She did speak with me. This is how she communicates, and not just with me. She wants to speak with the entire world. The vibrations in the air and the words on the paper told me everything. Is it strange that I find this amazing?
I turned around and noticed what I hadn’t noticed before: in front of the stage, in front of Aoi, was a crowd. They jumped and clapped and waved their arms in the air. They wore clothing with the names of their favourite singers, and they took time to cheer for the ones attempting to succeed.
We all felt the same. It was a universal love.
I want to feel like that again.
When the song ended Aoi returned to me. I clapped my hands, and she, with a cheesy grin, took a theatrical bow.
Once again she made her fingers walk like legs as if to say “Shall we go back?”
I thought back to the very last line of her song. With all the effort I could muster I opened my mouth. I don’t know what it sounded like, but I put my all into a single world.
“Yeah.”
Aoi’s response was… Well, let’s just say I’ve never been hugged that tightly before.
I’m sure that this day will change my life. I’m sure I’ll remember it for as long as I live.
Today was the day I fell in love with an idol, and today was the day I made my first friend.
For more Aoi content, check out her biography page! It features her traits, her backstory, and a bunch of art.
Kyacchi22 